Everything I have been reading today has been about surrender, holiness, and the joy of discovering God in trials. I found myself saying, "Lord, I just got out of a seven year trial. Can a girl just catch a break for a while? Can't I just coast for a year or so?" God didn't respond. He didn't have to. I knew the answer, "Not if you want to grow."
Earlier today I was praying for someone who has been heavy on my heart, God has even woken me up quite a few nights to pray for this person. I have felt connected spiritually to her and felt God moving in mighty ways. Today was so different. I started praying and God said, "You don't need to pray for her anymore." "What? But God, I don't want to stop until I get the answer I want," I thought. Would He really do this without me? Did I really think He needed me? I thought, "Well, this is crazy, I'm certainly not going to tell anyone about this. You tell people you'll pray for them you don't say you've stopped praying for them. You just don't! Plus, what if God doesn't answer this prayer how we all want Him to."
Then I heard, "After all you have seen."
My shoulders slumped. My heart broke. Yes, I have been miraculously healed but I still struggle to trust God completely. I still struggle to surrender even though I have seen His great and mighty power first-hand. I still struggle to give up things of this world that hold me back from holiness, even if it is my desire. I still struggle to give God everything and trust Him with everything even though I have found joy in Him through trials. Lord, forgive me for my struggles. Forgive me for my lack of trust.
Matthew 7:9-11
Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Lord, I pray that you will give me what is best for me, not what is easiest or what I want, but what is best in Your Holy plan. I love you.
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