It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything, I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
This song is called "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real. You can listen to it on the playlist to the right. I have cried through this song many times. I cry, it's what I do. Music speaks words that I can't seem to get out sometimes. Do you ever feel like they wrote that song just for you? There are so many songs that make me feel that way.
I'm just praising God today for how He is touching so many lives with this miracle. I am very humbled that He has given me this gift. Oddly I have been asking "Why me?" more from being healed than I ever did from having chronic pain. I have "survivor guilt" when I think of all those people we know that need healing way more than I did. But I have to remember that we will all be healed in heaven. I have looked forward to that new body for a long time . . . and I still do.
I believe if we took another x-ray or MRI, my back would still look the same. There is still a lot of metal in there, a bunch of wires, a battery and neurostimulator, and the muscles still probably look like they went through the blender. Just like it did before April 8, 2010. It just doesn't hurt anymore. God took away the pain and left the scars, lest I forget. He is "up to something bigger than me".
In all my flurry of activity since it has been better, I have also discovered that God did not take away the pain from my whole body. After all, it is there as a warning system. Some people won't stop until they pull a muscle. (cough, cough) Shame on them! Oh, that's me. It's hard to limit yourself, to go slow, when you just want to fly! I used to say, "Where's the warranty on this body? I want a return it for a new one!" Did you know you can do that? Right there at those pearly gates!
That picture of you here and the one with you and the kids working in the garden have been the physical evidence to me of your healing...your face is so different...just like when you were "young" and full of uninhibited joy without pain. I didn't realize how much the pain had changed your facial expressions until I see your face again without it! Rejoicing with you and praising God!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story, Tammy. I have had the blessing of sharing it with many students from my Bible class in Sacramento and they have been blessed as well. You will continue to be on our hearts and in our prayers. What I have so appreciated is the fragrant offering you have been to the Lord, saying "thank you" to him in whatever he brings your way. That is beautiful. (by the way- I'm Karen Berger's sister. She has shared about you over the years and I am now rejoicing with you!)
ReplyDelete